Well, if things could talk then I'm sure you'd hear

A lot of things to make you cry my dear

Ain't you glad (Ain't you glad)

Oh, ain't you glad (Ain't you glad)

Ain't you glad (Glad)

Glad that things don't talk

Now, if shoes could tell where they've been

When you say you've been visiting a friend

Ain't you glad (Ain't you glad)

He-he-hey, ain't you glad (Ain't you glad)

But ain't you glad (Glad)

Glad that shoes don't talk

Now, if doors could tell who's turned the knob

When he's away out on his job

If cars could tell who's been inside

And who's been taking you out for a ride

Ain't you glad (Ain't you glad)

Oh, ain't you glad (Ain't you glad)

But ain't you glad (Glad)

Glad that cars don't talk

In a world of trouble I'd be

If things ever told on me

My whole life would be through

'Cause I'm guilty, how about you?

If things ever talk that way

Ain't no telling what they might say

Ain't you glad (Ain't you glad)

Oh, ain't you glad (Ain't you glad)

Ain't you glad (Glad)

Glad that things don't talk